Cheating is, of course, one of the biggest reasons that relationships break up. When cheating has occurred, the other person usually feels like “I can’t ever trust him or her again.”
That is a common refrain when cheating occurs. Trust is essential to close, intimate, real love. When it is broken, we feel like there is no hope for getting it back. Even if we loved much about our mate, if they cheated on us, we dont see how we could ever be happy again with them, how could we trust them after such a sense of betrayal.
For this reason trust is one of the largest problems in break ups. Your ex is wondering if they can ever truly trust you not to cheat on them again. Why get back together if there is just going to be more cheating? So when break ups happen due to cheating, on of the big issue on your ex’s mind is
Can I ever feel that I can trust you after this?
I mean, if they rejected you because of some problem behavior, like cheating, or fighting, or not communicating with them, then they need to know BEFORE they let you come back that you wont keep doing the thing they left you about.
The emotion of broken trust/betrayal is one of the toughest feelings for an ex lover to get over. We all believe that trust takes a long time to build. So when it’s broken, we usually believe it is unfixable, correct?
Broekn trust is a huge betrayal in the heart. Broken trust feels immediately like distance and separation, the very opposite of intimacy. So you have almost ZERO CHANCE of getting back with your mate until you deal with the feeling of broken trust.
It is crucial for you to understand this if you want to get back with your ex. You must deal with their feelings of distance and betrayal and lack of trust or you can’t expect to get back with your ex. Even if you get “lucky” and they give you a second chance, without trust it probably won’t last. That’s because the love and intimacy we all want to feel can’t be felt when there is no trust.
How can you ? Well, normally, when there is a breakdown, we all try to avoid blame. We point the finger elsewhere. I cheated because you were cold to me! I cheated because I was drunk! I cheated because the devil temptress made me do it! When there is a big relationship buster like cheating, the natural tendency is to try to avoid blame.
Give those excuses to your ex and shell think youre a weak idiot. She may take you back, but it wont last, there will be real distance, because those excuses dont allow her to trust you. What if you get drunk again? What if she is cold to you a month from now? What if a pretty skirt tempts you tomorrow when youre walking down the street? So one of the first powerful things you can do is accept blame. Take full responsibility. Dont offer weak or lame excuses.
Say something like I cheated on you and broke the trust in our relationship. Im very sorry and I know I hurt you and made you feel like you cant trust me
This is an adult way to begin to repair the damage to their trust. Hearing responsibility being taken like that allows us to see that maybe they understand what they did wrong. It helps lay the foundation for forgiveness. Just like when you catch your kids screwing up, if they lie about it you just get more angry. But if they apologize and own it, you can more easily begin to forgive.
This isn’t the only step to resolving trust, but it is an important first one!
Viewed 33 times by 14 viewers
